If it quacks like a b*tch

Okay so, daily trip:

Lately I have this issue. (okay, I always had this issues)
Girls seem to have an aversion to me. I don’t know why. They are usually pleasant. But you just know they don’t really want to look up with that fake, “Oh hey, how you doing? How have things been?” any more than I do.

Its not that I have issues with them, or who they are. *that’s not even the issue* I have a problem with people who don’t like me. That when I’d rather talking to a wall than pretending to be nice.
So I was talking to one of the few chicks I can communicate with. (Maybe its cause she thinks like a guy) and she shared an interesting thought.

There are usually 2 reasons why girls don’t like girls.
A. You’re a slut. B. You’re a bitch.

Well boys and girls, I’m defiantly not a slut!
so, can I opt for C.
C. It’s because they feel threatened and suspicious for absolutely no reason?

Jewish Geography

Alright, we're all familiar with a little game called Jewish geography. You know Chani. I know Esti. Who went to school with Shira. Who's is Chanis Room mate. Who's Brother Married Shira. And is Surits Cousin. Right?

The world is small.

My friends and I have been talking about this a lot lately how small the Jewish world is. I met a whole new chevrah of friends this summer. But every single person I met. I later found that I knew them through someone else....

So now I've been checking out MySpace and seeing that it's even smaller.

Last night I was at a childhood- friends- Chanukah party. I bring another friend. He and I are talking. He mentions A. might be coming to his gig later at an after party in the city. My friend whom is throwing this party looks up and is like really.
She used to be my room mate?!?! I thought she was in India?! Yea... Everyone is connected.

Now, going to, many, schools in many, towns; Your world gets smaller. Once you've added Yeshiva in Israel; Boom! -You've just gone global.

I believe that if you are an Orthodox Jew then by the time you are 24. there is no way you cant play 6 degrees of separation. (Throw in the lubavitch factor and you just increased your chances of knowing everyone by double)

Now for a fun story:
Add one old British friend, Google,the Ohr Sameach Alumni page.. and Blogger.com
and you have a good story..

Starts Here::

Alright so I'm going to Europe for the first time with a friend for my birthday. I'm Super excited! I figure I have old friends from Israel who I would love to see all over the place.

How do I find them? GOOGLE how else?

Google takes me to the Ohr Sameach Alumni list I find my friend.

Surely its all from several years ago and none of the information has been updated. Ever (PS that a fact. I was working for them trying to contact people to update it. Till I realized.. Boys are hard to find. Isn't that why I'm single? But if do have old list of all the American boys! Separated by State and in Alphabetical order.)

:: But let's get back on track here. The information was posted in 2001. Not going to help me much. But it does have a link to a website.

Of course my friend (dear old JB) hasn't kept up with it in years. But seems to have paid for the name so the site is still up.... (I don't really get the internet.) So it's still active but hasn't been updated in years. We can't make this too east for old friends...now can we?

Alright, now let's laugh a little.

I see a link with info for the guy who helped design the site. With one of those cute little aim links.

This conversation has been edited* A lot* okay, completely*

I'm just getting the details out.

ME: Hey, I'm sure this is rude but do know JB or where I can find him...?

Designer: How do you know I know him?

ME: I saw your link on his page.

Designer: what page?

Me: his old out dated page.

Yada.. Yada.... (I did'nt know that page was still up) Yada.. Yada.. Anyway, its so funny between the two of us, we know the whole world. Here you are asking for him.

Designer: So who's asking?

ME: Me

Designer: Me who?

Designer: from where?

Designer: whats your Sur name? (I love the British)

Followed by Designer Interrogating this dear stranger: But I assume he is going to help me.

Me: so can you help me?

Designer: hold on he's on the phone.

ME: Well tell him if the name isn't ringing any bells, that I need someone to dominate my shesh besh board. It's been a while.

Designer: he asked for your number. :)

*And thus he knew I was on the other end of his buddy's AIM window.*
Within secconds: my phone rings and I'm talking to my good old friend JB .*

Both of them mention to me how funny it is that between the two of them, they know the whole world.

But wait, now I find out how true it is..

The world just got smaller.

This morning the Designer IM's me.

But from a failure screen name not the one I had talked to him on last night.

Things all began to click in my head. When I was on the phone talking to my friend I was thinking how funny it is that I know of another British guy who made ailya But I figure there have to be tons of British guys who make ailya...

Nope. This is the one :)

So they do seem to know the world. Rock on boys.

Yosef if your as cool as JB I would understand how you know the world.

Drugs and Shidduchim, Score!

I think I need to start doing real drugs.
Now when I say real I mean like the hard drugs, the ones people are always like, “yea I did drugs, but I never did that… ” Serious addiction, you know. “The good stuff.”

Lately it seems as if all the people I know whom I used to do “soft” drugs with are currently happy and in relationships. And all la de da.. oh, so excited and talking about planning a wedding even though they haven’t even gotten to the engaged part yet. When they do; I’m like oh wow cool. Mazel Tov! They look at me as if they want to kill me cause i'm not excited. (anymore)I’m sorry. But to cut into a different issue here for a second. YOU SPENT THE LAST 4 MONTHS TELLING ME YOUR GETTING ENGAGED!!You’ve set a date called the caterer. Tried on dresses, I know! I was happy for you for the last 4 freakin months I'M SORRY I’M NOT JUMPING FOR JOY AT THIS VERY SECCOND! I'm happy for you. honest. Just tell me when the wedding is…. I’ll be there with my smile I promise.
Now, I’m not knocking them in the least bit. I love all my friends and I am so extraordinarily happy for them. (With a sense of uncontrollable jealousy) But the truth of the matter is I stopped ages ago. (The drugs) And they went on to bigger and better things… i.e. Crazy intense drugs. They all seemed to have hit rock bottom at some point and now go sober.
Now opening them up to find clarity, happiness, and let’s not forget love. Simple, no?

Think about it.

It will be worth it. I spend what at the very least $50.00 bucks a week on shabbos. (being cheap) Well I could redirect that money for say, crack. I’m told it’s cheap. I'll eat less because I’m doing crack, never be hungry, and lose weight. Look amazing (not that I think in the least bit that I’m unattractive.) find g-d all over again. Quit smoking cigarettes stop drinking.. Wont ever have to hear “this event isn’t really for single girls” cause I wont go out much due to the fact that I’ll be too busy smoking crack, in some loft. Somewhere in this g-d forsaken city and then when I’m all frail and emaciated… I’ll wake up boom. Just like that. Realize that even the scum lesbian I’m sleeping with doesn’t want to be with me. I’ll find myself. Then a man who will aid me in sobering up.
It's a flawless plan. It seems everyone I know is in midst of doing this right now.
Maybe its just cause I’m not enough of an extremist. You know, I just didn’t follow through with my drug use.

Any idea where I can score some crack in the Brooklyn area?
or maybe I'll just go back to the coke....