I wrote this last wee but got sick and havnt been to work.
Maybe I should go over it before I post it. Maybe I shouldnt. It's more raw this way.
A marriage of connivance;
Shit or get off the pot. Right…?
What's this bullsh*t about all the people I know getting engaged, just because..? Doesn't anyone believe in eternal bliss or love? What happened to my generation?
My friend we'll just call him "Joe Shmoe" was trying to understand why I never "messed around" with him. Now that he's engaged this comes up, go figure…
So I asked him, --(In response to the sudden inquiry) why are you marring this girl, if you're still trying to get in my pants? His answer: "Why not? She's been dating me for 2yrs. I owe it to her. Plus she'll be a good mom." Mean while she has no idea she's marring a drug addict who in his words has "temptation issues" when it comes to girls.
--the only issue he has is that some say no.
And then there's "Jack Shmoe" the recovering heroin /crack addict who is marring the cookie cutter Bais Yaakov girl whom thinks her fiancé is in rehab for pot. Yes, I said it pot.
--Ps. He still smokes pot. But is now, sober from the hard stuff* for all of 7 months. (Which she has no knowledge about) again… "She's willing to marry me. Why wouldn't I marry her?"
Then: Last night:
I went to a La'chaim for a friend of mine. Let's call her "L".
A few months ago, we stopped hanging out cause I couldn't keep up with her. Her life was spiraling down hill. Then about 2 months ago she was tripping out cause she was turning 25. Her "significant other" broke up with her telling her she was pathetic. What did she do? She had a conversation with g-d; asking for help, to make this g-d awful person want her back.
She cleaned up. Was sent on a shidduch and got engaged. All in less than 2 months.
I was expecting a whole trip. Well she came in an hour late. (To be expected) but what I didn't expect was her to come in with her ex. WHO DOES THAT?! On top of it, she wasn't all about the engagement. In fact all she said to me all night was. Why aren't you talking to "E". Not wow. Can you believe it or I'm so happy? or Imertz Ha'shem by you. Nothing but can you please go talk to him. Make piece. All I wanted to do was yell at her. He treated you like sh*t for 2 years!!!!! But I can't. It was her night. So I let it be.
Then just before I finally had enough and left. She looks at me. Gives me a hug and says "Honey: you just have to give up on your self. Let it all go. Otherwise. You'll never be happy. The only reason I'm happy. Is cause I gave up on myself."
I left. I went home. And I cried. For both of us.
Now let me get one thing straight. I'm not taking away from anyone's happiness here. (and honestly all my friends aren’t drug addicts. I promise!!) I am however jealous in a sick and twisted "…why them?" level. Then I come back down planet earth and realize. None of them are happy. Not in love. They are all just settling. In a very unhealthy way might I add, but its so hard to watch.
